“Don’t ask to ask” is the most-pasted rule in technical chat rooms, and the idea behind the name of this site. When you open with “Is anyone good with React?” you force everyone to wait for your real question before they can help. Most people will not commit to “yes” without knowing what they are agreeing to – so they stay silent, and you wait. The fix is simple: skip the permission step.
Why the warm-up backfires
A helper who could answer your real question often cannot answer “are you an expert?” honestly. They might know your specific problem cold but not consider themselves an expert overall. So they say nothing, and a question that would have taken thirty seconds to answer never gets seen. Asking to ask filters out exactly the people you want.
Before
Hey, is anyone here familiar with PostgreSQL?
[Ten minutes of silence. Then maybe a “depends, what’s up?”]
After
I’m running PostgreSQL 16. A
SELECTwith aJOINon two 1M-row tables takes 40 seconds even though both join columns are indexed.EXPLAIN ANALYZEshows a sequential scan. What would make Postgres ignore the index here?
The second version can be answered immediately by anyone who knows the topic – no permission needed. It also surfaces in search and gets useful answers from people skimming the channel.
The rule of thumb
If you catch yourself typing “Can I ask a question?” or “Quick question…” – delete it and just ask the question. Include what you are trying to do, what you tried, and what went wrong. The classic statement of this idea lives at dontasktoask.com; for the full method, see our guide on how to ask better questions online.